September

There is a lot happening over here, so I am going to sandwich several posts into one long post, follow up to come soon. 

Firstly, and here I am speaking in broad strokes and simply here, because our family decided to let the rest be part of our family story: We said goodbye to my amazing granddad this month.  He passed at home surrounded by family praying and giving God thanks for his life.  We miss him very much, but are grateful knowing he was completely restored and with Jesus just in time for his next wedding anniversary.  We had an amazing summer as a family together that we were not expected to have!  I know it was a special gift that I was able to see one of my children get to know and love my wonderful grandfather.  Precious, precious gift. 
     
Vivienne started mother's day out in September, and it's been going well.  Actually....she did sit- yes sit- on a child on day two, but now we know that in addition to the traditional preschool rules...we also do not sit on our friends!  But overall, so far so good.  She enjoys school and cried last week when she was too sick to go.  It's hard that she has things she wants to say that she can't, that she may try to speak up for herself and not be able to communicate successfully.  Unfortunately that belief that being around other kids helps with speech is not always true.  You'd be surprised how often I hear that...I just want to say "You understand she knows how words sound....this is physical, like muscles, surgery....don't you?"  BUT we have seen a marked increase in her negotiating skills! :-)  If she wants something, she wants "five" of it...and if she isn't sure if she's going to be allowed to have something, she'll ask for "one" or "yiyo" (little)...and then if we decide she can have it, as the item is being delivered.... "four? five?"  "Five ice cream!"  Funny girl.  
 
She is also now tall enough to see over the tops of counters and strategically important shelves in our refrigerator.  This is... hmm....an interesting development for a very independently minded child!  Yesterday she decided to make eggs.  Mind you, she had just been offered eggs and had insisted "no no no"....Child waited until I walked into the living room, then proceed to make herself a plate.  She came into the living room carefully carrying six pretty brown eggs on her kitty cat plate.  Raw of course.  Of course we talked about mama holds the eggs, let's go make some eggs.  I took a couple eggs and started cooking.  But the floor felt wet....and sticky.  And when I went for a rag, I felt it again in front of the refrigerator- oh yes.  Apparently those six eggs were the lucky ones!  Vivi had pulled some eggs out of the fridge, dropped one (or two), and tried to clean them up- she had thrown away the shells and even the yolks.  That clear egg white gave her away!

 Oh, and then there was the day she decided she wanted more chocolate milk (chocolate was purchased because she was one sick baby).  She had been given "one" chocolate milk under our new, Vivi-established quantity language.  Now, it speaks to our concept of size development that she plotted her course in advance, recognizing that one cup would not be enough to contain the remaining milk in the quart jug she intended to drain.  So she got out a second cup (we do open cup drinking at home- SLP mommy).  Then apparently helped herself to the chocolate milk stored at the top of the refrigerator, unscrewed the top, poured the milk to the top of one glass, poured it to the top of the other glass....but there was still milk in the jug.  And we all know the container being poured from must always be emptied.  It's a rule or something.  So...she just kept pouring.  All this of course happened very quickly, during a time when coincidentally (or not) both mama and daddy had our hands full. As she's saying "oh no, oh no," I'm catching milk in a toy tub and Bear is running for the towels, we're sopping it up...and Vivi is firmly scolding the milk for getting away from her like that. 

Yes, we are working on appropriate refrigerator use!  But listen, I see it as surely there are gourmet meals in our future with such a chef in our kitchen...ya think?!   

Let's see, what else...Using about three words and a ton of gestures, she asked me the other night whether the beans we were eating were the same as the beans in her bean bag.  She was pretty concerned about that....

Ah, and lastly!  During Vivienne's adoption we were over half way through the process (matched or just before) when we began telling others we were adopting, and this time we announced it in the very beginning of the process, so we are asked much more often how things are going and "how soon."  Well, our timeline has been pretty textbook, and I am happy to say we are right on schedule.  Nobody worry- God has this!  It may seem longer if you've been following along since the start of this adoption at the end of January/beginning of February this year.  A medical needs adoption from China typically takes maybe 12-15 months start to homecoming, although timeline shift all that time, and we are at 8 months, all is well...moreover, this is God's plan, God's time...as with any child's entrance into a family.  And having witnessed the perfection of His timing in bringing our daughter to us....how can I worry?

Our prayers are as always for our child in China to be receiving love and the medical care needed, for our process to be guided by the Lord, for my sweet girl's speech, and for Bear and I as we make big decisions for our family.  Thank you for following this small blog- we love having you walk with us!              

"Grand Opening!" LoveCrossingOceans on Etsy

Like all big projects, it took more time than projected, but our Etsy shop is officially stocked and open for business!  Please come visit us during our "Grand Opening" week, now through August 31!   

If you would, please share the link below on Facebook.  Your shares during our t-shirt fundraiser really made a difference!  To celebrate the shop's opening, anyone who shares and orders between now and August 31 will be given the option of up-sizing one 5x7 inch print in their order to the 8x10 size, at no additional cost!  *Please be sure you message or email me if you want to take advantage of that offer, so I know to contact you.  Here is that link!  

https://www.etsy.com/shop/LoveCrossingOceans

All prints hosted by this shop are reproduced from original pieces by artist, calligraphy pro, and "MaMere" to Vivi and her little brother or sister-to-be, Carol Lazar.  This is a project first conceptualized during Vivi's adoption and developed over the past year.  These pieces are specifically designated towards our adoption, and are each part of a signed and numbered print series.  We hope you find something that brings you encouragement every day!

There is so much more I want to share about this shop, how it became at times a Bible study between mom and I...how these pieces came to be culled from the many pieces mom poured copious energy, time, and love into....how verses became prayers in our life not only concerning earthly adoption, but our own adoption as Christians and what that means- what it has to mean- for what we are made to do.  Energizing and exhausting all at once!  What a gift we have in my mom, and the technical savvy of my dad, who nailed down the production aspect!

Speaking of gifts, we have had a few amazing gifts made to our adoption savings, privately and through our AdoptTogether account.  While I have been able to thank most of you privately, there was an anonymous gift made earlier this month, and I want to acknowledge it somehow!  So, if you are reading this and you were involved in that, I don't even know what to say.  How do you thank someone for that?  "You helped us reach our child- our child- and bring them home- thank you."  It just doesn't seem like enough.  I have stared at a couple of blank thank you cards this month, trying to formulate a response that reflects the overwhelmed feeling that floods in when someone gives towards this adoption.  It makes me feel like someone grabbed my hand and pulled me along just when my feet were growing tired.  Walking right beside us.  Incredible thankfulness.  Please know whether you gave a large amount or an extra $5 when you purchased a shirt, we are profoundly grateful.  We are also planning a way to honor those precious gifts as we get closer to traveling.

My heart and head have been multiplying thoughts I'd love to share with you, much faster than I can keep up, but I hope to post more soon....For now a small girl has decided my time here is up, and I couldn't agree more :-)  On to play doh!          

August 1 LID!

It's true!  We are LID!  This means the dossier that was sent to China has been received buy the central authority for adoptions there and our dossier has been logged into the system.  Our log in date (or LID) is August 1.  LID marks the beginning of Mega-Step 2 of 3 on that overarching outline, Matching.  That's right, matching!  Our Log In Date, or LID, allows our agency to actively look to match a child with our family!  From now on, movement only happens as a direct result of seeing our son or daughter's face for the first time!  More another day, but I had to get that out there before I was officially a whole week late in sharing the news :-)  Hey, an hour and 45 minutes to spare before it was technically week-old news, huh?        

DTC!

Just in case you missed the overzealous, hey-look- new-Word-functions announcement I made earlier this evening, it is in fact true.  Our dossier was sent to China Tuesday!  A dossier is basically your huge file of paperwork condensed into 13 basic documents, which have been notarized, certified, and authenticated.  It is what we send to China for processing.  There, it will be translated and reviewed, and we will receive a log in date, hopefully in 2-3 weeks. Your log in date (LID) is what makes you official in the central authority's computer system, and we will be matched with our son or daughter based on that date, the medical needs we have indicated, and the agency's consideration of what is in the best interest of each child.  Basically, it is all out of our hands now, for a good while!  I love this part.  Some people hate it because you are not in control anymore, but I love it.  I love knowing we've done all we can and once we have LID nothing comes next but seeing our child's face! 

Agencies give time estimates for matching, and I could share the current estimates...but you know what the best thing to do with matching estimates is?  Toss 'em!  They are based on too many variables...how fast files are coming to your agency, how those files coordinate with your age range and the special needs you are open to, how many families have LID's  close to yours....it's just too much to say.  We are hopeful for everything to work out to be able to travel to bring this precious one home next year, hopefully early next year! 

Summer Update

A big thank you to everyone who took part in our summer fundraiser!  We had a last minute flood and are placing an order for a grand total of 154 shirts!  We are SO excited to get these printed and shipped out to you!  And so ready to see who is going to fill one of those toddler shirts, especially ;-)  We heard so many wonderful stories.  One family is traveling to Hawaii very soon to adopt their son- it was so neat how their destination and our theme flowed!  A friend told me the jade shirt's colors happened to be her sorority colors- who knew?!  Several times people shared that the Isaiah verse also worked it's way into their hearts as they pursued sons and daughters in far away places, or traveled for mission.  A couple people have a passion for sea turtles- kinda fun!  If you ordered, I will be communicating when your shirt ships- not long now!

Here is our summer progress on the financial side!
Total paid towards the process: $12,707.25
Balance remaining: $22,068.75
(If you read this previously and notice the values have changed, I apologize- I am seriously looking forward to breaking past the next milestone in this process I guess!)

We have now officially paid all expenses up until the time we are matched!  And, we are fully prepared to write the checks which will be due at the time of matching.  More on that momentarily, but first a little adoption update!

Currently our dossier is waiting for the courier in Houston to return from a well deserved vacation.  Next week, she will bring our dossier to the Chinese consulate for authentication, which is the final step in the sealing process from my last post.  A courier is necessary because our dossier must be hand-delivered to the consulate, and couriers are also experienced enough to know the ropes of the consulate well.  Once the authenticated dossier is returned to our agency, the agency will do a detailed review of it one last time.  Everyone wants to makes sure this paper representation of us and our life is presented exactly right, because after this the dossier goes to China!

This next step is known as being DTC (Dossier to China) in adoption circles.  It means any shred of control you thought you had in the process is officially over!  That bothers some people, but personally I think it is one of the best parts of the process!  Ahhhh, we will have done all we can for a while.  The central authority in China will log us into their system, and that log-in date (LID) is the date our official wait for a match begins.  So be watching the blog for LID news this summer, possibly next month!  Every step from that point forward happens as a direct result of seeing our child's face for the first time- pretty crazy wonderful, huh?!

I800A Approval and Next Steps

Our I800A approval arrived last Saturday!  This approval is our permission from US immigration to adopt a child from China.  Our agency can now prepare our dossier to it's trip across the ocean.  You will soon see why it is such a huge deal to us that dossier preparation services are part of our agency's standard services.  This last step in the US side of this process (for a good long while at least) is loosely referred to as authentications.  I saw the process explained years ago on a blog that appears to be shut down, and I can't do nearly as clear a job as the blogger I was hoping to reference, but I will try to paraphrase for now.  Ready?  Good!

So, your whole life is laid open on 13 precious documents, condensed from (in my case) the rolling file cabinet of paperwork it took to acquire those documents.  But how do the central adoption authorities know from all the way across the world that everything is in order?  Those documents need to be notarized, so everyone knows that you are the one who prepared them.  But how do we prove that the notary is really who he says he is?  Well, the county or parish must seal the documents.  But how do we prove that the county authority is who they say they are?  The state must seal the documents.  But wait!  How we prove that the state authority is who THEY say they are?  The documents must be authenticated by the designated Chinese consulate.  In our case, the that would be Houston.  This way, the central adoption authorities in China know that we are the Norris family and we meet all the standards set forth for adoptive parents.  Whew!

Adoption can be divided into 3 mega-steps, 1.  The Paperchase, 2.  Matching, and 3. "Come On Already Let's Get This Child HOME!"  The Paperchase includes the home study, I800A, and authentications.  After authentications, mega-step 1 is done, which means our agency can send our dossier to China (DTC), and we can receive a log-in date in the system.  This log-in date (LID) is important in the matching process, so I'd call it the beginning of mega-step 2.  Currently matching in the medical needs program is taking about 1-6 months from LID.        

That much closer to knowing the little one we are coming for!  If you're praying with us, our requests are for smooth authentications, and for some relief from repairs and replacement needs on the home front.  We've had quite the month!  We're praying for my sweet girl's speech, as we do need to hit some big milestones this year.  And finally, we are praying for this child waiting somewhere in China right now.  We don't know anything else yet, but we know for a fact that this child- our own son or daughter- has already experienced the loss of his or her biological parents.  Whatever people may say, early scarring is stored in a different way- like anything in your own life, it can be healed, not undone.  It makes my heart ache.  It makes me want to run there right now.  We are praying that this child is receiving nourishment, medical care, and love.  That his or her heart is being prepared for adoption and learning how to trust again after some very big separations and trust breaches during those early months, which are critical to learning attachment.  We had a very good scenario with Vivienne's adoption, and we know that.  We're praying for our whole family, here and overseas, to be protected and to be woven together, and we are thankful to have been able to reach this step in the adoption process!

Cleft clinic trip recap...(and lots of photos!)

A long detour from this blog's adoption focus this evening...grab a glass of wine!  So often I say we're at clinic, or we are about to go to clinic, or we just got back from clinic...and I realized I often fail to communicate why that matters.  The cleft clinic we chose for Vivienne is about 7 hours away.  Vivienne experiences a lot of anxiety while we're traveling up because to her a drive this long can only mean doctors, and it's an exhausting, LONG day of specialists.  Surgeon, audiologist, speech pathologist, ENT, geneticist...we have a local peds dentist and the orthodontist comes later.  It's actually pretty fantastic to see a true team of several specialists in action, for your child, and if I were to try and see them all in individual appointments...I'd live in waiting rooms.  But I do have to psych myself up for this!  We try to add in fun, but she's never quite herself, and she can be extra busy and a little emotional.  There is no doubt that these trips are stressful and jam-packed, and it's all information about your child.  So there's some "processing fatigue."  And we go a day in advance so I can get in-depth mentoring from the team SLP.  That being said, I am happy to say that this trip was really the best one we've had!

This trip, Bear came with us, which meant a week off work, starting with being fingerprinted in New Orleans on Monday for the current adoption process and extending to Thursday when we drove home from Birmingham.  A week off work is a big big deal when you are self employed, but we felt that it was important to do one trip together to allow him to meet the various specialists and experience a routine trip.  Bear never really gets to be off, but he was pretty out of pocket ;-)  It was so nice to go together as a family, even for the purpose!  

We drove to New Orleans Monday morning for our final fingerprinting of the current adoption process.  This allows immigration to finish processing our application to adopt from China, which in turn will lead to our dossier documents being authenticated and then mailed overseas over the next couple months.  We took Vivi to the New Orleans zoo right afterwards to blow off some steam.  We had a wonderful time and it helped after keeping Vivi quiet and confined in a government office all morning!

She LOVED this "baby elephant"

Tuesday we drove to Birmingham, and Wednesday morning we visited our placing agency, Lifeline Children's Services, which is based in Birmingham.  We said hello there, and then on the way back we found this beautiful botanical garden and pulled over to spend some time there (Birmingham friends, Aldrich Botanical Gardens is free of charge!).  Wednesday afternoon we had our speech therapy appointment, and we ended the day with playtime and friends at dinner!

And this would be when Vivi decided she wanted to pet the goslings...and see how the path goes right between them and their mama? Oh yes.  Hissing goose, lesson learned, poor baby!

She was all about the rabbit!  There are a few photos of this guy because we spent a "little" time here ;-)

Thursday morning, we had breakfast with more friends (we really got to see so many wonderful people that we don't usually get to see!), and headed to our clinic day.  After clinic, we were able to finally meet a special someone in person!  Logan has been our caseworker with Lifeline for both adoptions, which means she is the one who matched us with Vivienne!  We got back home late Thursday night.

Our new digs at the hospital- I'm liking the rooms!

Before I share about our clinic trip last week, I want to give some backstory.  Makes for a long log post, but I don't get that many chances to write ;-)  So:

Many people we know think, cleft palate, just close the opening, one surgery, done.  If you've ever told me how nice it must be to be all done, and I laughed a little hysterically...please forgive me.  I am totally wishing you were right!  A cleft is not really a separation in tissue, but an absence of tissue, where two approaching sides are interrupted before fusing together at midline.  Treatment involves a series of surgeries spread over childhood to create a complete and well-functioning lip, hard palate, soft palate, gumline, and dentition.  The most skilled, gifted surgeon cannot replicate God's design.  But what can be done is amazing!  Vivienne had her lip repair in China.  Her hard and soft palate repairs were done last fall, and PE tubes were placed in her ears at that time.  We know her future holds a bone graft for her gumline, orthodonture, and possibly cosmetic surgery later if her scar tissue causes any pulling.  There is also the possibility she may need fat injections or a secondary palate surgery to help with speech.  Speech therapy throughout.  Which is all pretty normal and routine :-)  

In recent visits, the team therapist confirmed my feeling that Vivienne seems to understand what to do with her newly repaired soft palate, but has difficulty physically making enough of a seal when she tries to close off her nasal airway (which is what directs air out through your mouth for speech).  There are several potential reasons for that and it's not uncommon, but it matters because it affects every single speech sound except m, n, and ng.  There are a few options to address it, but first Vivi would first need to be able to tolerate non-sedated endoscopy.  She has to allow them to place a tube with a camera through her nose and down her throat, and then calm down enough to give her best effort at speaking in a way that really shows how her soft palate and pharynx are working.  It is very important that when we look at the results, we feel confident we are witnessing the best job her muscles can do.  The results of this scope are a big part of what guides surgical decisions, so we wouldn't want her too panicked or not understanding the task.  Usually, the team is able to get valid test results at around 4 years old, with variation for individual children.  But in her truly extensive experience, last fall our team therapist felt that we should be emotionally prepared for the need for secondary surgery in preschool to help Vivienne's speech.  

The word from last week:

This trip, both Vivienne's speech pathologist and later her surgeon expressed surprise at how far she has come, and now they just aren't sure whether she will need surgery or not!  The word "incredible" might have been used :-)  So now, because Vivi's made more progress than would typically be expected for her starting point post op, we're all just going to have to wait and work and see what she does!   We don't know what Vivi's future holds.  But!  Every bit of progress we make now increases the benefit any future procedure would give us, and could reduce her chances of needing these procedures at all.  And every time she learns the placement for a speech sound, or increases the amount of air pressure she can build up in her mouth, that is that much less work she will need to do after a surgery, should she have one.  Vivi's been amazing.  She wants it, works so hard, and she doesn't give up!

This is a big prayer request.  Of course we want the preK surgery to be unnecessary.  We want her speech to just flourish and develop even more.  After all, surgery involves cutting and suturing muscles and nerves, and with this surgery comes some risk of sleep apnea.  But above that, we definitely are praying for wisdom in the critical determinations the team will make in the next year or so.  Would you pray with us about all that?

If you have made it all the way to the end of this blog post...wow...thanks!